There is Lola’s strange association with cute boy Sam (Eli Marienthal), who becomes her boyfriend without us realizing it, and a lot of clunky, awkward comedy involving the “Pygmalion” production. The story is minimal, and so is the character development, leaving plenty of time for irrelevant tangents and montages. The curious thing about the film, directed by Sara Sugarman and adapted by TV scribe Gail Parent, is that even at less than an hour and a half, it still feels absurdly padded. So Lola and Ella get very excited about an upcoming rock concert in Manhattan, and they will simply DIE if they don’t go, and Carla somehow got tickets to the after-party (don’t ask me how, considering it will be chock-full of booze and Carla is only 15), which means Lola and Ella simply HAVE to go to the party, too, and so on and so on. You’d think that would be what the movie is about, but no! The movie has decided to forgo a traditional “plot” and instead present a random sequence of events. Leave it to this movie to suggest a musical version of “Pygmalion” without acknowledging that such a thing has already been done, and that it was called “My Fair Lady.” Why don’t they just do “My Fair Lady”?Īnyway, she gets the Eliza role. It’s Shaw’s “Pygmalion,” but the dowdy director, Miss Baggoli (Carol Kane, loopy as always), has decided to update it and put original songs in it. (It’s been a while since I was 15, and I was never a teenage girl, but is it true that snotty girls always travel in threes, two of whom never speak but only look snide and laugh at their leader’s comments? And do they always make it a point to harass the new girl on her very first day? How do they know someone new has arrived? Do they get notices from the registrar’s office?)Īnyway, Lola sees the upcoming school play as a chance to establish herself as the rightful Center Of The Universe, so she auditions. Here Lola runs the gauntlet of high school clichés: Her only new friend is an unpopular girl, Ella (Alison Pill), and they are tormented by a trio of bitchy girls, led by pretty Carla Santini (Megan Fox). Lola’s life is thrown into turmoil when her artist mother (Glenne Headly), for undisclosed reasons, moves the family to the affluent suburb of Dellwood, N.J. She is either devastatingly insecure or stunningly over-confident, but the examination of such deep psychological questions is not on this movie’s agenda. Lola is indeed a drama queen, melodramatic in the extreme, always vying to be the center of attention, forever dressed in unusual outfits. She’s being made to pay her dues, though, with “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen,” an insufferable quasi-comedy that will one day be nothing more than a blip on her otherwise respectable resume.īased on a young-adult novel by Dyan Shelden, “Confessions” is about a 15-year-old Manhattanite named Mary (Lohan), though she prefers to go by Lola. But, in a world of countless teen movies this is one that you can afford to miss.Disney’s latest hot commodity, the young actress Lindsay Lohan, got good notices for “The Parent Trap” remake and last year’s delightful “Freaky Friday” remake. I would flunk this film, but to be honest it doesn't aim very high.so, I don't have the heart to flunk it. The soundtrack here is painfully perky, and features Lohan.go figure. In other words, she's 18 in real life but completely adorable. Perhaps the only thing that salvages the film for me is actress Alison Pill.histrionic, but a joy to watch and cute in an "almost jail bait" sort of way. In other supporting roles we have Eli Marienthal embarrassing himself.there is a "cute" appearance by Carol Kane.so nice to see her back onscreen, but I sure wish it was in a decent film. Headly, as her mother, comes off nearly as self-centered.so, at least we get to see family genetics in force. While I certainly can accept Lohan as a self-centered teen, she comes off painfully so in this film. The film centers around a teenage "drama queen" who relocates from New York City to New Jersey. Nearly every moment of this film seems forced.Lohan is simply awful here, and you know you have a bad film when Glenne Headly is made to look stilted and insincere. "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" was the Summer 2004 vehicle for Lindsay Lohan.this teen star, already making the rounds of the tabloids, lacks what little charm and style and talent she had previously exhibited. I can't tell you the number of times I cringed while watching this was embarrassingly simple, embarrassingly stupid. Painful to look at.this film is just plain painful.
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